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"There are so many people getting married in Vegas, I kept seeing girls wearing dumb fake veils and stuff. I said to my girlfriends, "Thanks for not making me look like an idiot. Fast forward a few hours, and they had me blindfolded and handcuffed to a male blow-up doll - which was anatomically correct, by the way - which my mother named Dick. They forced me to walk around the casino handcuffed to it for four hours, until Dick was apprehended by the casino police."

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